My brand of feminism
Today is day 14. Well, actually for me, today is day 9472. Yes, nine thousand four hundred and seventy two days of facing sexism, misogyny and systemic hatred and subjugation of women.
These 14 days have seen a fringe issue, a 'soft' issue come to the limelight and take not just the national capital, but the entire nation over. I am seeing something very close to my heart and to the hearts of millions of other women like me, being discussed on TV, on Facebook, in the drawing room, in the boardroom. It has been a mass, national catharsis. An urban catharsis, but catharsis none the less.
Other feminists have told me, and I have passed this message on to my friends too: Don't let this anger die; don't quell your outrage. This time let it carry on. This time don't stick your head in the sand, don't hide because you cannot deal with your own cognitive dissonance, your own demons. Make this time THE time.
And it is not just about laws and police reforms and public transportation. This time it is about us. Us as a society. It is about mass introspection and finding our own brand of feminism. This is when we all realise that you either live your life being a feminist or not. And if not, then you are misogynist and sexist- labels nobody can and should be proud of.
Now, I am not a romantic. As I write this post, I am acutely aware that I have not taken to the streets like many women of Delhi. Perhaps I am an armchair activist. However, I do have my own brand of feminism. I am, and I have announced before, a radical feminist. I am a radical pacifist too - now if there was ever an oxymoron, this was it. So there you go, I am a radical pacifist feminist. I wear this label the proudest as part of my identity.
What is my brand of feminism?
Irreverence to any societal norm that is even remotely disrespectful to women. And openly, shamelessly so. Yes, I openly say to family, friends and co-workers, rakhi and karwachauth are sexist, misogynistic rituals.
Telling off men (& women) in the most straightforward way possible when they make sexist remarks in my presence. Yes this includes lecturing, fighting and sending these people off whimpering, ones who utter sexist, loathsome shit.
Writing, sharing, and keeping the dialogue on for feminism and equality for women. If I keep contributing on social media and any other platform, my tiny (possible mostly unheard) voice adds up to the many others like mine, and makes it a roar. If nothing, perhaps it resonates with another feminist, another woman, and keeps her hopes for a change alive.
Expecting the highest standards from people in my life, always. No, boys will not be boys. Not all boys behave like beasts or have this ridiculous sense of entitlement Some boys know how to respect the dignity of human life and they know they are responsible for their actions. They do not hide behind societal pressures of 'being a man', or behind alcohol, or behind class or caste barriers. They do not make sexist jokes. No, they do not try to be our 'protectors' or think they are superior. No, they do not stereotype. No, they do not use violence against women. No, I do not expect them to behave any differently.
Neither do I believe in 'respecting elders' or mincing my words when I need to stand up for what is right. And truth be told my elders (grandparents and parents) are at fault- they brought me up like this. They taught me to stand up for what is right.
The other day I was telling my dad about this guy who made revolting remarks about 'well managed girls' and the first question my dad asked "What did you do?"
"I told him off, and asked him to stop being sexist. Asked him to never utter such words,at least in my presence."
"GOOD."
Thank you, dragon dad and tiger mom. Thank you for bringing me up like this. Thank you for bringing up my brother like this. Thank you for watching a talk-show on AIDS and sex education in the hall, in my presence- me, an adolescent - when many parents would have changed the channel. Thank you for discussing feminism with me, treating me like an adult and with no taboos attached.
Never ever leaving friends alone. If you are a close friend and you behaved in a sexist manner I'd tell you how wrong you were. Maybe I'd engage in a peaceful dialogue, or severely censure you, or maybe, if you really asked for it, I'd mock you. But, I'd keep chipping away, keep trying, one person, one discussion at a time. The world, probably, is not for me to change. I am not a Martin Luther King, or an MK Gandhi. But I do try to change my own prejudices and influence the people I can.
By walking the talk. As much as possible. No, I do not watch Akshay Kumar movies. No, I do not listen to Honey Singh. No, I do not appreciate gender stereotyping. Although I do not drink or smoke, I never judge women who do. And yes, occasionally, I break societal rules. Don't wear a skirt in the hostel mess? Guess what, I am going to do just that!
Encouraging other women to stand up for themselves. Standing by them. Shouting with them, for them. Holding their hand and wiping their tears. Sharing their grief and lauding their courage. Telling them that celebration of 'a woman's sacrifice for her family and men' and 'being a superwoman who manages career and house' is nonsense. Telling them it is okay, in fact, perfectly fine to not be a superwoman, especially in a world where there are no supermen.
And yes, there are women who are stronger and braver than I am. Who have done so much, so meaningful. I admire them, I idolize them. Women like Irom Sharmila. I do not claim or pretend that I am them or as great as they are. But we do have something in common. Our skin crawls when someone says something derogatory about women, or for that matter anybody. We feel sickened, not shamed, when we are sexually harassed or mocked because of our gender. We raise our voice, although some louder than the others. We care about other women, other human beings. We give a damn. And yes, we are not ashamed of being feminists.
Are you a feminist?
These 14 days have seen a fringe issue, a 'soft' issue come to the limelight and take not just the national capital, but the entire nation over. I am seeing something very close to my heart and to the hearts of millions of other women like me, being discussed on TV, on Facebook, in the drawing room, in the boardroom. It has been a mass, national catharsis. An urban catharsis, but catharsis none the less.
Other feminists have told me, and I have passed this message on to my friends too: Don't let this anger die; don't quell your outrage. This time let it carry on. This time don't stick your head in the sand, don't hide because you cannot deal with your own cognitive dissonance, your own demons. Make this time THE time.
And it is not just about laws and police reforms and public transportation. This time it is about us. Us as a society. It is about mass introspection and finding our own brand of feminism. This is when we all realise that you either live your life being a feminist or not. And if not, then you are misogynist and sexist- labels nobody can and should be proud of.
Now, I am not a romantic. As I write this post, I am acutely aware that I have not taken to the streets like many women of Delhi. Perhaps I am an armchair activist. However, I do have my own brand of feminism. I am, and I have announced before, a radical feminist. I am a radical pacifist too - now if there was ever an oxymoron, this was it. So there you go, I am a radical pacifist feminist. I wear this label the proudest as part of my identity.
What is my brand of feminism?
Irreverence to any societal norm that is even remotely disrespectful to women. And openly, shamelessly so. Yes, I openly say to family, friends and co-workers, rakhi and karwachauth are sexist, misogynistic rituals.
Telling off men (& women) in the most straightforward way possible when they make sexist remarks in my presence. Yes this includes lecturing, fighting and sending these people off whimpering, ones who utter sexist, loathsome shit.
Writing, sharing, and keeping the dialogue on for feminism and equality for women. If I keep contributing on social media and any other platform, my tiny (possible mostly unheard) voice adds up to the many others like mine, and makes it a roar. If nothing, perhaps it resonates with another feminist, another woman, and keeps her hopes for a change alive.
Expecting the highest standards from people in my life, always. No, boys will not be boys. Not all boys behave like beasts or have this ridiculous sense of entitlement Some boys know how to respect the dignity of human life and they know they are responsible for their actions. They do not hide behind societal pressures of 'being a man', or behind alcohol, or behind class or caste barriers. They do not make sexist jokes. No, they do not try to be our 'protectors' or think they are superior. No, they do not stereotype. No, they do not use violence against women. No, I do not expect them to behave any differently.
Neither do I believe in 'respecting elders' or mincing my words when I need to stand up for what is right. And truth be told my elders (grandparents and parents) are at fault- they brought me up like this. They taught me to stand up for what is right.
The other day I was telling my dad about this guy who made revolting remarks about 'well managed girls' and the first question my dad asked "What did you do?"
"I told him off, and asked him to stop being sexist. Asked him to never utter such words,at least in my presence."
"GOOD."
Thank you, dragon dad and tiger mom. Thank you for bringing me up like this. Thank you for bringing up my brother like this. Thank you for watching a talk-show on AIDS and sex education in the hall, in my presence- me, an adolescent - when many parents would have changed the channel. Thank you for discussing feminism with me, treating me like an adult and with no taboos attached.
Never ever leaving friends alone. If you are a close friend and you behaved in a sexist manner I'd tell you how wrong you were. Maybe I'd engage in a peaceful dialogue, or severely censure you, or maybe, if you really asked for it, I'd mock you. But, I'd keep chipping away, keep trying, one person, one discussion at a time. The world, probably, is not for me to change. I am not a Martin Luther King, or an MK Gandhi. But I do try to change my own prejudices and influence the people I can.
By walking the talk. As much as possible. No, I do not watch Akshay Kumar movies. No, I do not listen to Honey Singh. No, I do not appreciate gender stereotyping. Although I do not drink or smoke, I never judge women who do. And yes, occasionally, I break societal rules. Don't wear a skirt in the hostel mess? Guess what, I am going to do just that!
Encouraging other women to stand up for themselves. Standing by them. Shouting with them, for them. Holding their hand and wiping their tears. Sharing their grief and lauding their courage. Telling them that celebration of 'a woman's sacrifice for her family and men' and 'being a superwoman who manages career and house' is nonsense. Telling them it is okay, in fact, perfectly fine to not be a superwoman, especially in a world where there are no supermen.
And yes, there are women who are stronger and braver than I am. Who have done so much, so meaningful. I admire them, I idolize them. Women like Irom Sharmila. I do not claim or pretend that I am them or as great as they are. But we do have something in common. Our skin crawls when someone says something derogatory about women, or for that matter anybody. We feel sickened, not shamed, when we are sexually harassed or mocked because of our gender. We raise our voice, although some louder than the others. We care about other women, other human beings. We give a damn. And yes, we are not ashamed of being feminists.
Are you a feminist?
Comments
Expecting the highest standards from people in my life, always. No, boys will not be boys. Not all boys behave like beasts or have this ridiculous sense of entitlement Some boys know how to respect the dignity of human life and they know they are responsible for their actions. They do not hide behind societal pressures of 'being a man', or behind alcohol, or behind class or caste barriers. They do not make sexist jokes. No, they do not try to be our 'protectors' or think they are superior. No, they do not stereotype. No, they do not use violence against women. No, I do not expect them to behave any differently.