The feminist
Flashback
I was arguing with Hash, my stand against overt feminism, it putting a lot of pressure on women, blah blah blah, and Hash was lecturing me on why feminism is very, very relevant, getting visibly (audibly) irritated with me.
I was so, so stupid in that argument.
I am a fanatical feminist. I have always been, and will always stay so. There is not other way for me. Hash says even if I feel dejected, alone, lost and rejected I should not keep shouting and waving and howling because my voice will stay. Someone will hear it, someone will take note. If not today, they will get a wake-up call, they will remember me and they will change. They will then speak up. And be heard.
Hash, I hear you. I am going to keep on speaking up, even when my voice goes hoarse. And when and if I lose my voice, my actions will demonstrate my indignation.
This post is my voice.
This post is a call to all those women who have been made to feel angry and humiliated and ashamed, because of their sex.
This is a post for myself, who is privileged to have been born to very liberal parents, who have brought me up with my head held high. I am part of an educated, elite strata of society and yet have faced the most blatant, bizarre, obnoxious discrimination for being a woman.
This is a post for a friend who has been harassed by her boss and colleagues for over a year and does not have the courage to speak up despite her office having a strong anti-harassment policy. She worries people will begrudge her for creating trouble in their peace, they will question the sincerity of her accusations because she took it for so long. Most of all she is scared of being ostracised and fired.
This is a post for a colleague who was stopped in broad daylight by men, who can only be described as goondas, was taunted, threatened and insulted by them, while the police, standing nearby, watched on.
This is a post for every woman who has not been treated equal to men. Basically all womankind.
I often hear people say that women are the worst enemy of other women. Especially in India, it often seems that a mother-in-law or mother or an old grand mother who is the perpetrator of the discrimination. Who policies young daughters and daughter-in-laws into behaving, dressing and living in a certain way. Do people realise the root cause? Generations of blatant discrimination against women, making them feel inferior to men and revolving their lives around men. Their only source of power has been the importance men gave to them. They only know to fight for it.
We live in a society where, and I quote from something insightful I'd read somewhere, men 'feel attracted to' but women 'are attractive'. Men act where as women are acted upon. A society where a promiscuous man is called a 'stud' but a promiscuous women is called a 'slut'. A society where there is shame in being a prostitute but hardly any in buying her services. A society where rapes happen because 'some girl dressed in a mini-skirt' and not because the rapist is degenerate and depraved.
I am often told the following by men and women alike.
1. You safety is in your own hands. You shouldn't step out after dark. You shouldn't wear revealing (ahem...vulgar) clothes. You shouldn't drink.
2. Women are biologically made this way. They can be sexually, physically, mentally attacked and hurt more easily than men.
It makes me violently angry.
Hash says that I let myself a bit too affected by people's stupidity and that I should draw boundaries. But I can't help it.
Saying these things brushes the actual issue under the carpet. That women should not be attacked or assaulted or raped or insulted or threatened. Nothing can ever, ever, ever justify that.
No they don't deserve it. No they did not ask for it. No they were not stupid to put themselves at risk. And yes, I am sick to death that women are made to feel ashamed in being a victim of rape or molestation or discrimination, when the molesters, discriminators and rapists wear these tags as medallions on their shirt.
I am sick to death of being objectified. And I am sick to death for being constantly judged for dressing up, or dressing down, or talking to someone, or looking pretty, thin or fat or ugly or haggard. I am sick to death of insulting, archaic rules like 'don't enter a temple when menstruating' and of women who actually, willingly, enforce it on their own selves.
I am sick to death of people who don't take women seriously when they raise their voice.
They tell us how 'forward' we have come.
Ask women who feel unsafe in their own homes, in their own country. Who feel threatened in the presence of a stranger, even on a busy street. Who feel exposed while swimming in a public pool. Who climb harder to get noticed at work, while also being the one accountable and responsible for the household and childcare. Who are told to repress their sexuality from the time of birth and yet are told to give the family a child the moment they get married. Who live in a country that calls sexual harassment in a public place 'eve teasing'. Who are told abortion is a sin and not their right. Who get date-raped and are told that this is what happens when you entice men.
I once told Aashish how frustrated and angry I was about how I raised my voice against discrimination and stood up for a girl and no one did anything. In fact they told me to shut up. Aashish said something very insightful. The irony was I shouldn't even have had to stand up for what is right and shout at the top of my lungs to be heard.
I shouldn't need to write these posts about feminism. And I'll keep voicing my thoughts till I don't have to.
I was arguing with Hash, my stand against overt feminism, it putting a lot of pressure on women, blah blah blah, and Hash was lecturing me on why feminism is very, very relevant, getting visibly (audibly) irritated with me.
I was so, so stupid in that argument.
I am a fanatical feminist. I have always been, and will always stay so. There is not other way for me. Hash says even if I feel dejected, alone, lost and rejected I should not keep shouting and waving and howling because my voice will stay. Someone will hear it, someone will take note. If not today, they will get a wake-up call, they will remember me and they will change. They will then speak up. And be heard.
Hash, I hear you. I am going to keep on speaking up, even when my voice goes hoarse. And when and if I lose my voice, my actions will demonstrate my indignation.
This post is my voice.
This post is a call to all those women who have been made to feel angry and humiliated and ashamed, because of their sex.
This is a post for myself, who is privileged to have been born to very liberal parents, who have brought me up with my head held high. I am part of an educated, elite strata of society and yet have faced the most blatant, bizarre, obnoxious discrimination for being a woman.
This is a post for a friend who has been harassed by her boss and colleagues for over a year and does not have the courage to speak up despite her office having a strong anti-harassment policy. She worries people will begrudge her for creating trouble in their peace, they will question the sincerity of her accusations because she took it for so long. Most of all she is scared of being ostracised and fired.
This is a post for a colleague who was stopped in broad daylight by men, who can only be described as goondas, was taunted, threatened and insulted by them, while the police, standing nearby, watched on.
This is a post for every woman who has not been treated equal to men. Basically all womankind.
I often hear people say that women are the worst enemy of other women. Especially in India, it often seems that a mother-in-law or mother or an old grand mother who is the perpetrator of the discrimination. Who policies young daughters and daughter-in-laws into behaving, dressing and living in a certain way. Do people realise the root cause? Generations of blatant discrimination against women, making them feel inferior to men and revolving their lives around men. Their only source of power has been the importance men gave to them. They only know to fight for it.
We live in a society where, and I quote from something insightful I'd read somewhere, men 'feel attracted to' but women 'are attractive'. Men act where as women are acted upon. A society where a promiscuous man is called a 'stud' but a promiscuous women is called a 'slut'. A society where there is shame in being a prostitute but hardly any in buying her services. A society where rapes happen because 'some girl dressed in a mini-skirt' and not because the rapist is degenerate and depraved.
I am often told the following by men and women alike.
1. You safety is in your own hands. You shouldn't step out after dark. You shouldn't wear revealing (ahem...vulgar) clothes. You shouldn't drink.
2. Women are biologically made this way. They can be sexually, physically, mentally attacked and hurt more easily than men.
It makes me violently angry.
Hash says that I let myself a bit too affected by people's stupidity and that I should draw boundaries. But I can't help it.
Saying these things brushes the actual issue under the carpet. That women should not be attacked or assaulted or raped or insulted or threatened. Nothing can ever, ever, ever justify that.
No they don't deserve it. No they did not ask for it. No they were not stupid to put themselves at risk. And yes, I am sick to death that women are made to feel ashamed in being a victim of rape or molestation or discrimination, when the molesters, discriminators and rapists wear these tags as medallions on their shirt.
I am sick to death of being objectified. And I am sick to death for being constantly judged for dressing up, or dressing down, or talking to someone, or looking pretty, thin or fat or ugly or haggard. I am sick to death of insulting, archaic rules like 'don't enter a temple when menstruating' and of women who actually, willingly, enforce it on their own selves.
I am sick to death of people who don't take women seriously when they raise their voice.
They tell us how 'forward' we have come.
Ask women who feel unsafe in their own homes, in their own country. Who feel threatened in the presence of a stranger, even on a busy street. Who feel exposed while swimming in a public pool. Who climb harder to get noticed at work, while also being the one accountable and responsible for the household and childcare. Who are told to repress their sexuality from the time of birth and yet are told to give the family a child the moment they get married. Who live in a country that calls sexual harassment in a public place 'eve teasing'. Who are told abortion is a sin and not their right. Who get date-raped and are told that this is what happens when you entice men.
I once told Aashish how frustrated and angry I was about how I raised my voice against discrimination and stood up for a girl and no one did anything. In fact they told me to shut up. Aashish said something very insightful. The irony was I shouldn't even have had to stand up for what is right and shout at the top of my lungs to be heard.
I shouldn't need to write these posts about feminism. And I'll keep voicing my thoughts till I don't have to.
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